Why Won’t My Mom or Dad Spend Their Money?

Family caregivers often are confused by the behaviors of their aging loved ones. Why isn’t Mom eating as much as she usually does? Why is Dad obsessed with the comings and goings of the neighbor? And while aging can bring about new (and sometimes…interesting) behaviors, some can be alarming, especially if the behaviors are negatively affecting health or wellness goals.

It is somewhat common, for example, for older adults to begin becoming more and more frugal as they age. If your aging parent is refusing to spend money on pleasure items like a new piece of clothing or health items like medication, here’s what you need to know and what you can do next.

Why Does Increased Frugality Occur?

Not all older adults stop spending money as they get older. However, the worry of outliving their money is very real among older adults. In fact, about 60% of seniors worry that they will not have enough money to last throughout retirement. This financial anxiety can quickly lead to obsessing over spending and frantically searching for ways to save more and spend less.

While responsible spending is certainly a wise move, choosing to restrict spending in a way that will affect health, wellness, or quality of life is not.

Warning Signs Your Loved One Is Not Spending Enough

Your loved one might be scrimping and saving too much money, putting their overall wellness in jeopardy. How can you tell? Look for signs like these, which could mean you need to have a conversation about their finances:

• Skipping cycles of medication, as evidenced by not needing pharmacy pick-ups as often or by cancellation notices in the mail from the mail-order pharmacy.
• Keeping the temperature too hot or too cold. If your loved one has the thermostat set at 85 in the summertime or at 65 in the winter, it can negatively impact their health.
• Choosing to not follow up with recommended outpatient physical therapy sessions or other consultations with specialists. Primary care physicians often refer seniors to specialists so that they can get more intensive care, but frugal older adults might choose to not go in order to save money.
• Expired food in the cabinets or the freezer. If your loved one says that expiration dates are just a suggestion, it could be time to have a talk about spending habits.
• Isolation and/or withdrawal from social activities with family members or friends. Seniors can stop attending coffee dates with friends to save money or skip family events if they don’t want to purchase a gift.

What To Do Next

Social isolation, nutrition deficits, medication mismanagement, and unsafe temperatures at home are just a few of the negative outcomes that can come with a senior who is worried about spending too much money. If you notice these in your loved one, begin by finding out the cause so that you can work toward a solution.

If your loved one is not spending money because they don’t have the money to pay for their expenses, you can begin to look for support and resources that will offset costs. For example, LIHEAP, or the Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program, is a federal program that seniors can use to offset the costs of some, or all, of their energy bills. Meals on Wheels can assist with free, home-delivered meals that can decrease the grocery bills of your loved one. Medicaid can step in to supplement costs not covered by Medicare.

Work with your loved one to find resources in their community that will offer financial relief. You can start with your loved one’s senior service office in their city or local Area Agency on Aging. Don’t wait; the sooner you can offset costs, the sooner your loved one can feel that relief.

If your loved one has the funds to pay for expenses but is choosing not to out of fear or anxiety, it’s time to have another conversation. Begin by seeking to understand the root of their worry, but also be prepared with the safety and health concerns that you see happening. It can be helpful to schedule a meeting with your loved one’s financial provider so that they can offer some guidance with responsible budgeting that will put your loved one at ease.

Another tip is to get your loved one’s physician involved. They might need to write a prescription or a note detailing what temperature to set the thermostat at or how many servings of vegetables your loved one needs to eat daily. Physicians are a tool you can use to ensure your loved one is spending their money on important items like medications, healthy food, and home energy.

Finally, if your loved one is still not spending money on important things, consider having bills sent to your home if you have financial Power of Attorney. This way, you can take that burden off their plate and instead use their money to pay for expenses that keep them healthy and safe.

Remember, just like any tough conversation, you might have to pause the conversation if your loved one is defensive or stops listening. You can always reopen the conversation again the next time you visit. However, if you are concerned about their safety, find a way to remedy the emergency (like not running the air conditioning in the middle of July) in the meantime.